The Pain Never Leaves
by Unicron4000
Summary: My first one, sorry if characters are a little OOC. Dave gets into a bad car crash leaving John thinking he's to blame. Feeling extremely guilty, John turns to self-harm. Possible DaveKat as the story progresses. Rated T for language. May be triggering. I do not own Homestuck, Andrew Hussie does
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Dave woke up, blurry eyed and confused, this didn't look like his house. He stood up and left the room, looking for John and Karkat. He didn't see them. He went to his car. He looked up and saw the sign on the door of the building he had just walked out of. It read, "Drinking Contests every Wednesday, last man standing wins." He sighed and got into his car and drove home. He arrived twenty minutes later, seeing no cars in the driveway, he went inside and fell asleep on the couch. 

Dave woke up again, even more blurry eyed than before. He heard voices and saw two people talking over him. 

"Should we wake him?" Karkat asked. 

"No, let him sleep," John told him. "He'll need it." They walked away leaving Dave where he was. He stood up and went to the kitchen. He took a Poptart, eating it without heating it up. He walks to his room and puts on his headphones. He listens to Deadmau5, trying to get some new DJing ideas. After a while, he hears a loud thump coming from down the hall. He leaves his room to investigate and he see that one of the framed pictures has fallen off of the wall. He puts it back up and knocks on John's door. 

-John's perspective- 

After quickly telling Karkat to let Dave sleep, John went back to his room and opened Pesterchum. He looked to see who was online and started pestering Rose. 

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:24 - 

EB: hi 

TT: Hello John 

EB: do you know about Dave's… problem? 

TT: Yes. He frequently speaks to me about it 

TT: Why? 

EB: he came home this morning with a hangover Karkat and I assume he was at the local bar's drinking contest 

TT: That certainly is an issue 

TT: Have you spoken to him about it? 

EB: not yet but I was planning to later today 

TT: Don't waste time. Go talk to him now 

EB: ok I'll tell you how it goes 

EB: bye 

TT: Farewell

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:34 - 

John closed his laptop and was about to get up when someone knocked on his door. 

"Come in," he called. Dave opened the door and walked in. "Oh," John said. "I was just about to come find you. I need to talk to you about something." 

"About what?" Dave asked. 

"Your drinking." The silence that followed was a terribly long one. "You need to stop." 

"John, you know very well that I do not have a drinking problem," Dave responded, a bit angrily. 

"Dave, you come home drunk almost every night and you barely make it to your room without passing out" 

"You said almost every night." 

"You know exactly what I mean." 

"What are you going to do to stop me," Dave began yelling. "I can make my own decisions." 

"I'm worried about you Dave. I don't want you to get hurt." 

"Whatever. I'm going out." With that, Dave ran out, grabbing his keys. He pulled out of the driveway and drove back to the bar. When he got there, he ordered a beer and told the bartender to keep them coming. After a few of them he went to go get in his car, but the bartender stopped him. 

"Hey buddy, I can't let you leave like this, you're a wreck." 

"Oh yeah? Watch me." Dave shouldered past the bartender and drove off. As he was driving, his drunkenness caused him to drive erratically. He was swerving all over the road until he ran a red light and hit a car crossing the intersection at seventy miles an hour. 

John and Karkat arrived at the hospital a few minutes after getting the call. They rushed to Dave's room. The nurse tried to keep them out, but their combined strength helped them push past and enter the room. They saw Dave lying in his hospital bed looking lifeless. More nurses appeared, pushing them out of the room and closing the door. John fell to the ground, crying, saying something about how it was his fault Dave had gotten hurt. Karkat started shooshpapping John, to no avail. John sat down on a bench in the waiting room, falling asleep quite quickly. Karkat cam to sit next to and stayed awake until a nurse told them that it was time to leave. They got into their car and left. When they got home, John ran straight to his room and cried himself to sleep. Karkat stayed up watching a Romcom but fell asleep in the middle. John spends the night tossing and turning, his nightmares a series of possible car crash situations that had landed Dave in the hospital. Karkat spends the night peacefully sleeping with no thought as to what was happening in John's room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A few days later, Dave wakes up at the hospital for the first time since the crash and things are looking up. Karkat and John visit him for as long as they can. While there, the only thing running through John's head was that it was his fault Dave was in this hospital bed. John thought he saw Dave's face show him an angry expression and then visiting hours were over because Dave needed to rest. Karkat drove John home then went to work. John, having grown progressively more depressed since the day of the accident went searching throughout the house for a pair of scissors. After about ten minutes of searching, he found one. He retreated to his room. He had heard of something that supposedly made you feel better. John opened the blades, looking, entranced at the shiny, reflective surface of the scissors. He wondered briefly what would happen if Dave or Karkat found out about this but quickly abandoned the thought. He rolled his sleeves up, placed the cold blade on the skin of his forearm and slowly dragged the cold metal blade cross his skin. He watched the blood rise out of the open wound and cut his arm three more times before he stopped and went into the bathroom to wash off his cuts. He went to his room and put on a long sleeved sweater so that when Karkat got home he wouldn't see the cuts. John quickly went downstairs and put the leftover pizza in the oven to heat up. He sat on the couch and started watching Ghostbusters. Halfway through the movie, Karkat got home and came inside.

"John!" He yelled. "Do you wanna visit Dave?"

"I'll be right there," John answered. He ran upstairs to put on his shoes then ran out to the car. "C'mon Karkat! Let's go" Karkat came outside and drove to the hospital. John got out of the car, racing to Dave's room. When he got there, Dave was awake, watching tv. When John walked in, Dave turned off the tv so he could focus on talking to John and Karkat, who had just walked in.

"Hey guys," Dave said.

"Hi Dave," Karkat said. "How are you?"

"I'm ok, getting better you know."

"Dave, are you mad at me?" John asked.

"Mad? What for bro?" Dave responded.

"If I hadn't told you not to drink, you wouldn't have gone to bar and you wouldn't have gotten into that accident."

"John, I could never be mad at you for that. It was my fault I overreacted and was driving while I was drunk." But what John heard was not what Dave said. John heard Dave say terrible, heartless things. He heard Dave call him worthless and told him that it was all his fault. When they left, hours later, John was feeling horrible. He felt like shit. When they got home, John went straight to his room. He took out the scissors, rolled up his sleeve and slowly drew five lines on his arm with his blade. The blood welled up and he hurried to the bathroom, quickly washing away any evidence of his pain.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'll try to update every few days but because school I can't make any promises. I should have Chapter 4 up before Saturday**

* * *

Chapter 3

The next day, John woke up to a throbbing pain in his left arm. His arm that had the cuts. he looked at, it was red but not really swollen so he could hide it under a long sleeved shirt or sweater. He put on a sweater and went downstairs to get some breakfast. He pulled down the box of Poptarts and opened a package of them. He put them in the toaster and waited a couple minutes for them to be done. When they were ready he put on a plate, picking them up carefully as they were still quite hot. He sat at the counter, eating his Poptarts slowly and with a glass of milk. Soon after he began eating Karkat woke up and came to have some breakfast. He grumbled something about fucking nightmares but continued on and got a bowl and spoon for some cereal. He had Cheerios. Eventually, John finished eating and he went back upstairs to get dressed. He put on some jeans and a t-shirt, putting his sweater back on to conceal his still fresh cuts. He went back downstairs surprised to see Karkat silently crying. He walked over to the crying troll, hugging him and telling him that everything was alright. Karkat pushed John off and retreated to his room.

- Karkat's perspective -

He took out his computer and began trolling Terezi.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 9:56 -

CG: TEREZI

CG: TEREZI ARE YOU UP YET?

CG: TEREZI WAKE UP

GC: MORN1NG K4RK4T NO N33D TO G3T SO WORKED UP OV3R M3

CG: TEREZI I HAVE NO TIME FOR SARCASM

GC: WOW K4RK4T, C4LM DOWN

GC: 1T'S ONLY 10:05 1N TH3 MORN1NG

CG: TEREZI STOP

GC: K4RK4T WH4T'S WRONG

GC: K4RK4T WH4T H4PP3EN3ED

CG: I CRIED TODAY

CG: I JUST FUCKING CRIED OVER DAVE IN BEING IN THE HOSPITAL AND JOHN SAW ME CRYING

GC: K4RK4T

GC: K4RK4T 1TS OK YOULL BE F1N3

CG: TEREZI WHY WOULD I CRY OVER GODDAMN DAVE

GC: 1 DONT KNOW BUT M4YB3 YOU ARE MOR3 D33PLY UPS3T BY HIS 4CC1D3NT TH4N YOU THOUGHT

CG: TEREZI I HAVE TO GO

CG: WE CAN TALK LATER BYE

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 10:06 -

Karkat put away his laptop and went back downstairs. John was still sitting on the couch, he looked sad. Karkat disregarded John and went to his car. He turned on the engine and drove to the hospital. He went up to Dave's room to find him sleeping. Karkat sat in the chair that was in the corner of the room. A nurse soon saw him sitting there and told him that he had to leave the room unless Dave was awake. Karkat nodded and left the room. He went back to his car and drove back home. He went back to his room and opened Trollian. He needed to talk to someone. He noticed that Vriska and Eridan were online. He didn't want to talk to either of them. He logged out of Trollian and went downstairs to watch a Romcom. When he got downstairs, John wasn't sitting on the couch anymore. Karkat paid no attention to this and put on his movie.

- John's perspective -

John was in his room contemplating if he should bring the blade to his skin again. He took the scissors out from their hiding place and opened them, entranced by the silvery glint. He brought the metal to his arm and slowly dragged it across his skin. He used a sawing motion this time, to inflict more pain upon himself. He removed the blade from the cut and used the same sawing motion twice more on the same arm. He cleaned the blood from his arm and quickly ran to the bathroom. As he rushed, he heard Karkat watching a Romcom. He rinsed his wounds and examined them. He was running out of space. He would soon have to use his other arm as well. He ran back to his room, hid the scissors. and put his sweater back on before going downstairs. Karkat was asleep, his movie still playing. John went outside and walked to the nearby grocery store. He bought some soap, ingredients to make pizza, and some snacks. He went back home only to see Karkat crying. He tried to pay no attention to it, but he heard Karkat call him worthless. He heard him ask why he had told Dave not to drink. Karkat told him that it was all his fault. Hearing this, John slowly walked back back to his room, closed the door quietly, took out his computer, and logged on to Pesterchum. He looked to see who was online, Jade was.

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:35 -

EB: jade

GG: hi john

GG: howve you been

EG: i've been good

EG: jade have you heard about dave's accident yet

GG: of course i have how could i not have

EG: did rose tell you

GG: no

GG: i saw it on the news we live in the same place remember

EG: i guess i forgot cause i rarely see you

EG: what if his accident was my fault

GG: john you know its not your fault

GG: dave just had a problem and that problem caused him to get hurt

EG: but what if it was

GG: but its not

GG: john listen to me daves crash is not your fault he shouldnt have overreacted like that

EB: jade i have to go

GG: bye john

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:50 -

John closed his laptop, put it away and began crying. He put his head into his pillow and screamed. He truly believed that it was all his fault. He thought everyone was lying to him to make him feel better. He stopped screaming, he didn't want to wake Karkat. He got up, straightened his shirt and went downstairs. Halfway down he collapsed. He fell down the stairs. Karkat woke up, seeing John passed out, he called 911. When they arrived, John was still unconscious. They drove to the hospital, Karkat following in his car. When they got there, John was put on the same floor as Dave. When Karkat was allowed in to see him, John was sleeping, his arm covered in cuts clearly visible. Karkat immediately turned around and left. He went back to his car and drove somewhere he'd never gone before, the bar.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When Karkat got to the bar, he ordered a beer. When he was finished with that he ordered another one. He told the bartender to keep them coming. After an hour of drinking, the bartender stopped giving Karkat drinks.

"Hey," Karkat said. "Why'd you stop giving me beers."

"I'm cutting you off," the bartender told him. "You've had too much. If you're leaving, call one of your friends. Two weeks ago, we had this guy leave here and get into some big crash."

"None of my friends would come pick me up."

"Then they can't really be your friend can they," the bartender told him. Karkat grumbled and took out his phone. He called Rose.

"Hello Karkat," Rose said.

"Um...hi," Karkat said, sounding unsure. "Can you come pick me up from the bar."

"Of course. But why are you there? You don't drink."

"I do now"

"Ok. I'm on my way there now. I should be there in five minutes." Five minutes later, Rose arrived. Karkat got in her car and told her to take him home. She took him home and asked why John hadn't gone to get him.

"John is in the hospital," Karkat said. "He passed out this morning."

"Well," Rose grew quiet for a while."I must go see him."

"Ok." Karkat got out of Rose's car and went inside. Rose drove to hospital where John, still unconscious, was.

- Rose's perspective -

When Karkat told her John was in the hospital, it took all of her strength not to yell at him to get out of her car and speed to the hospital. After Karkat got out and Rose pulled out of the driveway, she drove as fast as legally possible until she reached the hospital. At the front desk she asked for John Egbert's room. She ran to John's room. She walked through the door and stopped. She saw the cuts on his arms and was instantly worried. She left the room and asked a passing nurse where Dave Strider's room was. The nurse told her it was ten rooms down on the left. She nearly ran to Dave's room but she calmly walked, concealing her extremely worried facial expression beneath a mask of indifference. When she reached Dave's room, he was watching tv. When he saw Rose he turned it off.

"Hi Rose," Dave said.

"Hello Dave," Rose responded. "Are you aware that John is in a room ten doors down?"

"What," Dave nearly screamed. "What happened?"

"Karkat told me he had passed out this morning."

"I would know but they don't let me out of this damn room. They said I can't leave for another four days."

"Dave, I can convince them to let you leave the room, but only to visit John."

"Alright so do it."

"I'll be back soon." Rose left the room and went down to Dave's doctor's office. She explained that John Egbert was Dave's friend and Dave wanted to visit John. After some resistance, the doctor agreed and went with Rose and a nurse to get Dave.

"Dave," the doctor said. "Thanks to your friend here, we have decided that you can visit your friend John." The doctor helped Dave stand up and the nurse gave him crutches. Dave, Rose, the doctor, and the nurse walked to John's rooms. When Dave stepped through the door, he saw the bright red of John's cuts against the stark white hospital sheets and screamed.

- Dave's perspective -

When he saw John's cuts, he could hardly believe it. He wanted to take on everything that had hurt John. He wanted to comfort John for the rest of time and cancel out everything that could ever harm John. He heard himself scream and felt the nurse make him walk out of the room. Dave was crying. He never cries. He let the nurse help him back to his bed. He layed down and closed his eyes.

- Karkat's perspective -

After Rose left, Karkat went into John's room, looking for what ever he had used to cut. He looked in John's closet, under his bed and in the drawers in his desk. He looked under the mattress. When he didn't find it, he sighed and flopped on his back onto John's bed. As he was looking at the ceiling fan, he noticed that one of the blades was weighed down by something. He took his shoes off and stood up on John's bed to get a better look. There it was. Karkat had found the scissors. He took them from the ceiling fan and brought back to the drawer in the kitchen where they belonged. He breathed a sigh of relief and went to watch a Romcom.

- John's perspective -

John woke up in his hospital bed, screaming from his nightmare. Two nurses rushed in hoping to calm him down, they did. Soon, John was peacefully awake. He asked if he could go home. They told that he couldn't leave till tomorrow. John sighed and closed his eyes. He quickly fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When John woke up the next day, he was surprised to see Rose sitting in one of the chairs in his room.

"Good morning John," Rose said.

"Hey Rose," John responded. He then remembered his cuts. He quickly hid his arm under his sleeve. "I guess you already know."

"Yes. I just want you to know that I will always be available to talk to. Trust me, I will always help you." Saying that, Rose stood up and left. John was still sitting in his bed when Karkat walked into his room.

"John," Karkat began. "There are two things we need to do. The first one is that we need to get home. The second one is that is that we need to talk about your arm." A nurse walked in and disconnected all of the IVs and medical mechanisms. John thanked the nurse and walked out with Karkat. They got into Karkat's car and drove home. When they got there twenty minutes later, John went straight to his room to put on some presentable clothes and a sweater. He went back downstairs. Karkat was waiting at the bottom.

"John," Karkat said softly.

"What?" John said.

"You know what."

"If I know, enlighten me."

"Ugh...fine. We need to talk about your arm."

"Did Rose tell you?"

"I went to visit you."

"Oh." There was a long silence that followed this. One in which John grew quite sad, fell to the floor and began quietly crying. Karkat bent down next to him, hugging him and telling him that it was going to be ok. John pushed Karkat away and ran to his room, slamming and locking the door. He flopped onto his bed, crying into the pillow. He kicked his shoes off and stood up on his bed. He felt along each of the ceiling fan blades but his scissors were gone. John looked at his clock and saw that it was around five thirty in the afternoon. He decided to make dinner. He left his room, went downstairs and asked Karkat what he wanted for dinner. Karkat grumbled something about spaghetti and copious amounts of butter. John took out a large pot, a box of spaghetti and began making the food. He set up everything the way it had to be and began stirring the pasta. After a little while of this, John removed the pasta from the boiling water, pt numerous butter pats onto the different plates and put them into the microwave. About a minute later, he removed the plates from the microwave and called Karkat to the table. John and Karkat sat down together and began eating. No one spoke while they ate. Karkat was screaming inside. He knew that there was nothing he could do to make John stop cutting. John was screaming inside as well, but for a different reason. His scream was directed towards Karkat. He was screaming because Karkat made no move to even attempt to help with his problem. John finished eating and put his plate in the sink. Karkat did the same. Karkat went back to his room paying no attention to what John was doing. John was going through the drawers again. He quickly found the scissors and he went back to his room. He hid it in a new place a drawer in his desk with a false bottom. He hid the scissors under the false bottom. He went back downstairs and put on Ghostbusters. He was just up to the part in which the Staypuft Marshmallow Man was coming into play when he realized, Dave could come home. He ran upstairs and knocked on Karkat's door.

"KARKAT!" John yelled. "DAVE CAN COME HOME TODAY!"

"Goddammit. Don't yell so fucking loud. Let's go get him then." Karkat emerged from his room and followed John to his car. They got in, John started it and they drove to hospital. When the parked, John turned off the car and almost sprinted to the front desk. He quickly told the receptionist that they were there to pick up Dave Strider. The receptionist called Dave's doctor and told him that John Egbert and Karkat Vantas were there to pick up Dave. The receptionist told John and Karkat that they could go to Dave's room. They went up and saw a nurse removing all of the medical machinations from Dave and helped him stand up. The nurse gave Dave crutches and Dave walked over to John and Karkat.

"Hey guys," Dave said. "We're goin' home then?"

"Yea," John told him. "Let's go to the car. You can have shotgun and I'm sure Karkat won't complain." They walked down slowly to accommodate for Dave, Karkat grumbling about sitting shotgun. When they got to the car, John started it, they all got in, and John drove home. When they arrived, John helped Dave go to his room. After that John disappeared into his own room and retrieved his scissors. He opened and closed them, listening to the sound they made. He watched the light reflect off of the silver metal as he rolled up the leg of his pants. He placed the blade on his thigh, shuddering at the cold touch of the sharp edge. He slowly dragged the blade across his skin, a smile beginning to show. He cut his thigh twice more, his ghost of a smile forming into a small, regular smile. Once he put away the scissors, he grabbed a towel from his closet and ran into the bathroom to take a shower. He turned on the water, making it quite hot as to inflict more pain upon himself, he undressed and practically jumped into the viciously hot water. He allowed the water to soak his entire body, not a scream nor sound escaped from him as he felt the water cascade all over him. He watched as blood oozed from his cuts and was washed away instantly by the scalding water. When he felt he was clean enough and had endured enough pain, he turned the water off and walked to his room. He closed and began getting dressed he let his towel drop to the floor and turned around just as Dave walked in.

"GET OUT!" John screamed. "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" Dave scrambled out embarrassed and worried. He had seen John without clothes on and he had seen the fresh cuts on his thighs.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dave stumbled back and fell to the floor. He was worried about John. Ever since he had seen the cuts on John's wrist at the hospital, he couldn't stop thinking about what John might do. Dave quickly stood up and went to the kitchen. Karkat was sitting at the table, looking at something on his laptop. Dave retrieved his laptop from the coffee table and opened Pesterchum.

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 14:54 -

TG: sollux

TA: what

TG: sollux how do you do the code thing

TA: whiich code thiing there are many

TG: The coffee one

TA: java2criipt

TG: that would be the one

TG: can you teach me how to do it

TA: iit cant 2iimply be taught

TA: iits a proce22

TG: dammit sollux

TG: where can i begin the process

TA: ii dont know

TA: look iit up

TG: youre being no help

TA: ii never 2aiid ii would be

- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 15:02 -

Dave closed his laptop, sighed and went up to his room. He locked the door and put on his headphones. He was listening to Deadmau5.

- Karkat's perspective -

Karkat was sitting at the table looking at his laptop. He logged onto Trollian and looked at who was on. Terezi was.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 14:50 -

CG: TEREZI

GC: H1 K4RK4T

CG: TEREZI I NEED HELP

GC: WH4T W1TH

CG: IF YOU HAD A FRIEND THAT WAS PURPOSEFULLY INFLICTING PAIN UPON HIMSELF WHAT WOULD YOU DO

GC: HMM...W3LL 1 WOULD M4K3 SUR3 TH4T WH4T3V3R TH3Y W3R3 US1NG TO HURT TH3MS3LF W4S NO LONG3R 4CC3ES1BLE TO TH3M 4ND 1 WOULD M4K3 SUR3 TH4T TH3Y GOT TH3 H3LP TH3Y N33D3D

CG: WHAT IF THEY REFUSED HELP

GC: TH3N SOM3TH1NG WOULD H4V3 TO BE DON3

CG: THANKS

CG: I NEED TO GO

GC: BY3 K4RK4T

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 14:58 -

Karkat went back upstairs and knocked on John's door. John didn't respond so he knocked again.

"Come in," John said. Karkat walked in and sat down on John's bed.

"John we need to talk."

"About what."

"I visited you while you were unconscious." A long silence followed this. During this silence, John gained a sad look and he looked like he was about to cry. Karkat walked over to him and gave him a hug. "John we need to talk about your arm."

"It's not a big deal."

"John, it's a huge deal. People kill themselves sometimes from this kind of guilt. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I'm fine. Leave me alone about it."

"John, I will always be here for you to talk to."

"Get out of my room. Leave me alone." Karkat left John's room and went to his own. He took out his computer and started looking at something.

- John's perspective -

After Karkat left his room, John went to the drawer with his scissors in it and removed them. He opened and closed the blade repeatedly, staring at the sharp edges and the shiny metal. He opened the scissors, sat down on his bed, rolled up pant leg and placed the blade on his thigh, shivering at the touch of the cold metal. He dragged the blade over his skin, using a sawing motion to inflict more pain and make the cut deeper. He repeated this sawing motion three more times on his leg. When he was finished, he stayed sitting on his bed, watching the blood rise from his wounds and slowly flow down his leg. He laughed and laid down. He continued laughing, he felt fantastic despite the blood flowing from the cuts on his leg. He had a smile on his face. John sat up, left his room and ran to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and washed his leg off. He ran back to his room and dried off his leg, he was still smiling. He took off his shorts and put on a pair of jeans. John took off his shirt and put on his god-tier shirt. He looked at his blanket and saw the bloodstains. He panicked and ran to the basement with his blanket. He put in the washing machine, put in some laundry detergent, and started the cleaning of his blanket. He went back upstairs and began making a pizza for dinner.

"I'm making pizza for dinner!" he yelled for Dave and Karkat to hear.

"Ok!" they yelled in response. John preheated the oven for three hundred and fifty degrees. When he heard the loud, obnoxious beep signifying the readiness of the oven, he took a frozen pizza out of the freezer, unwrapped it and put it in the oven. He walked over to a cabinet and took out three plates. About ten minutes later, John heard another loud, obnoxious beep, signifying the end of a timer and the readiness of the pizza. "Pizza's ready," John yelled. He heard some thumps and bumps as Dave and Karkat raced down the stairs to get some food. John cut the pizza and gave each of them two slices. They all sat down at the table and began eating in silence.

"John," Dave said. "Karkat and I need to speak with you."

"About what," John asked, knowing full well what Dave was talking about.

"About your cutting John," Dave told him. "You need help."

"No I don't. I can't understand why you guys are making such a big deal about it."

"Because obviously you have a problem," Karkat interjected. "People who do this can have suicidal tendencies."

"Well I don't. I can assure you of that."

"John listen to me," Dave said. "You need help. First, tell us why you're doing this."

"No"

"John, tell us"

"No Dave. I'm not telling you."

"I swear to fucking god John, tell us or so help me."

"Fine! If it'll make you happy. It's because of your accident. It's my fault and I know. There, you happy now." John stood up and went to his car, leaving Dave and Karkat shocked. Dave ran out to John but he had already driven away. John didn't know where he was going. All he knew was that he was going somewhere.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ugh... so because of school I had to take a while with this chapter, but I made it quite a bit longer as a result. Oops**

* * *

Chapter 7

Dave and Karkat were shocked at this revelation. They thought some guilt leftover from Sburb had driven John to self-harm, not something that had happened recently. Dave jumped up from the table and ran into the driveway only to find John had already left. Karkat ran up to his room and opened his laptop. He logged onto Trollian and began trolling Terezi.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 18:11 -

CG: TEREZI

GC: H1 K4RK4T

CG: TEREZI JOHN JUST LEFT BECAUSE ME AND DAVE ARE TRYING TO GET HIM TO ACCEPT HELP

GC: DO YOU KNOW WH3R3 H3S GO1NG

CG: NO THATS WHY IM HERE

CG: WHAT SHOULD I DO

GC: K4RK4T YOU N33D TO F1ND H1M WH4T 1F HE DO3S SOM3TH1NG R4SH

GC: YOU 4ND D4V3 H4V3 TO G3T 1N A C4R 4ND F1ND H1M

CG: OK OK OK

CG: LET ME GET DAVE

CG: MEET US AT THE BAR

GC: K4RK4T I C4NT DR1V3

CG: FUCK

GC BUT 1 L1V3 CLOS3 3NOUGH TO W4LK

GC: 1TLL T4K3 M3 F1V3 M1NUT3S

CG: ITLL TAKE US TEN

CG: START GOING NOW

GC: OK S33 YOU SOON

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 18:17

Karkat slammed his laptop closed and ran downstairs, grabbing his keys in the process.

"DAVE!" Karkat yelled. "WE'RE GOING TO MEET TEREZI AT THE BAR!"

"OK!" Dave responded. Dave grabbed his coat and went out to the car. Karkat soon followed and started the car. He pulled out of the driveway, driving as fast as legally possible to the bar. When they got there, Terezi was waiting. Karkat got out and helped into the backseat. They continued driving. While they were driving, Dave and Karkat kept an eye out for John's car.

"Karkat are there any high places here?" Terezi asked.

"Yes, there's a cliff…" Karkat trailed off and turned around. He drove faster than legally possible until they got there. It took them twenty minutes. They had reached it thirty minutes after John did. John was slowly walking towards the edge of the cliff. He felt terrible. John thought he had no alternative. So there he was, walking towards to the edge. He thought that he had to do this. He reached the edge of the cliff and hesitated, what if this really hurt. He decided that he deserved the pain. As John was finishing his walk towards the edge, Dave, Karkat, and Terezi got there.

"Stay in the car," Karkat told Terezi. Karkat and Dave got out of the car and began running to John. John didn't notice. Karkat and Dave began running at full sprint towards an unsuspecting John. Dave, being the fastest, reached John first and pulled him back from the cliff's edge.

"John," Dave said. "What the hell were you thinking?" Karkat soon caught up.

"John what the fuck," Karkat said, getting angry. "Do you understand what you were about to fucking do? What the hell is wrong with you?" John looked down and began crying. He fell to the ground sobbing. Dave knelt down and hugged him.

"Let's get you home," Dave told him. "You need some rest." The three of them walked back to Karkat's car. John sat shotgun instead of Dave, who sat in the back with Terezi. They drove Terezi home before going home themselves. They went inside where John sat on the couch and began listening to the Con Air soundtrack. Dave called the local psych ward and asked if they could take another person. Dave set up the arrival time and care for John.

- The Next Day -

Dave woke up and went downstairs. He took out the box of Poptarts. He opened one of the packages and began eating them. Soon, Karkat came downstairs, holding his laptop.

- carcinoGenetecist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 9:27 -

CG: TEREZI

GC: GOOD MORN1NG K4RK4T

GC: HOWS JOHN

CG: HE'S GOOD

CG: WE'RE GETTING HIM HELP AND HE"S ACTUALLY ACCEPTING IT

GC: GOOD

GC 1M GLAD WE FOUND H1M

CG: THANK YOU FOR COMING WITH US

GC: YOU WOULDNT HAV3 FOUND H1M OTH3RW1S3

CG: TEREZI

GC: Y3S

CG: YOU'RE RIGHT

CG: WE NEEDED YOU

GC: H4H4 OF COURS3 YOU N33D3D M3

CG: OH MY GOD TEREZI

CG: I'M LEAVING

CG: BYE

GC: BY3

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] -

Karkat closed his laptop and yawned. He put it on the coffee table and made some coffee. Smelling coffee, John came downstairs. He poured himself a cup and sipped at it. Everyone sat in silence, drinking their respective drinks. Dave with apple juice, Karkat and John with coffee. They all had bedhead. John had been tossing and turning all night. Dave had barely slept, Karkat had done the same. John was drinking his coffee when there was a loud thump, causing him to jump and spill his drink. Paying no mind to his now ruined coffee, he ran upstairs to where he had heard the sound. It came from his room. He went in and saw Karkat holding his drawer with the false bottom. Karkat, not noticing that John had entered, ripped off the false bottom, revealing the scissors.

"Get out," John told him. "GET OUT!" Karkat raced out, dropping the scissors. John picked up the drawer and put it back in the desk. He picked up the scissors and the false bottom, putting them both back where they belonged. John closed his door and locked it. He fell onto his bed, picking his feet up onto it. He began sobbing into his pillow, wanting the world to go away and to disappear. He curled up and eventually ceased crying. He heard his door's lock click and he sat up, confused. He had locked the door from the inside. He saw the door knob slowly. The door opened and Dave walked in.

"Can I come in," Dave asked.

"You just picked the lock, you might as well," John said.

"John," Dave began."I called the psych ward and we're taking you there on Friday."

"It's Wednesday and you're only telling me this now?" John was slightly annoyed. "Why didn't you tell me sooner."

"Well," Dave was flustered but in usual form, didn't show it. "As of the events of last night, this arrangement didn't exist. I called while you were sitting on the couch last night." John looked at him blankly. "You were listening to your music so you didn't notice." After a long silence John finally spoke.

"I guess I should get help," John conceded. "But you guys will come visit me, right?"

"Of course we will. We wouldn't do anything else."

"Good." John stood up and walked over to Dave, who was standing in the doorway. John hugged him. "Promise me you and Karkat will never leave."

"I promise." Dave returned the hug, almost crying from under his wicked shades. Dave didn't cry. And if he did it was ironically. Karkat walked past the room, making a face at John and Dave's hug. John broke away, a tad embarrassed that Karkat had witnessed that. Dave, unsteady from the sudden break, walked back to his room. Karkat stared after him, shocked at the rare show of emotion. Dave was normally a complete mask. He covered his emotions well, but not perfectly. He slipped up every once in a while but more recently, he had been less adept at hiding how he felt. Karkat finally looked away and walked back downstairs. He was watching a Romcom marathon.

- Dave's perspective -

Dave was sitting on his bed. His door was closed and only his desk lamp was on. He was contemplating why he was blushing. It was probably because Karkat had caught him in a moment of emotional vulnerability. He didn't know why he cared. He couldn't focus on that now. He didn't want to think that way about Karkat. But he couldn't resist. Karkat was too irresistible to Dave. There was some quality about Karkat that was too amazing. Maybe it was his tiny, nubby horns or his always crotchety manner, he was just so fantastic. Dave threw a pillow. He couldn't feel this way about Karkat, they lived together. Dave punched the wall. He kept punching it until his hand started bleeding. He winced and went to the bathroom to bandage it up. When he finished he went downstairs where Karkat was watching his Romcom marathon. Karkat turned around long enough to see Dave's hand.

"Dave what the fuck did you do?" Karkat quickly asked.

"Um… I punched a wall, repeatedy," Dave said.

"You fucking idiot," Karkat reprimanded. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"Reasons."

"Which ones?"

"You know, those reasons that only make sense to me."

"Enlighten me Dave."

"No."

"Dave, tell me."

"Absolutely not."

"Dave just fucking tell me."

"No." Dave left the room and went back upstairs. He walked into his room and looked at his wall. Seeing the slight dent, he sighed and layed down on his bed. He turned his head to look at the clock. It read 11:25, not quite time for lunch, but not really still time for breakfast either. He closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

- Karkat's perspective -

Dave was acting weird. He was avoiding answering Karkat's question. Karkat wondered what could have made him act so strange. He shrugged and went to begin making spaghetti. He boiled the water, put the spaghetti in, and began stirring it while staring at something. John came downstairs and saw Karkat making the spaghetti. John sat down on the couch, listening to the Con Air soundtrack.

"Food's ready," Karkat said. "John, go tell Dave." John went upstairs and knocked on Dave's door.

"Dave," John said softly/ "It's time for lunch." Dave sat up, blurry eyed from his short amount of sleep. He looked at his clock, it said it was 12:00 on the dot. Dave stood up and opened the door. John had already gone downstairs. He went downstairs where John had set the table and Karkat was serving the food. They all sat down and began eating.

"Dave," Karkat started. "Why were you acting so weird earlier?"

"What. I wasn't acting weird earlier."

"No Dave, you were acting pretty weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Dave."

"Karkat." Dave finished eating and put his plate in the sink. "I was not acting weird and I will not be acting weird. Ok?"

"Fine, but I will find out why you were being weird earlier," Karkat said, doing his best to be intimidating but failing to do so because of his height. Dave laughed and walked upstairs. He went into his room and closed the door. He was tired and annoyed. He was tired because he hadn't slept much recently and he was annoyed because of his newfound feelings towards Karkat. He threw a pillow at his door, just as John opened it. The pillow hit John in the face causing him to stumble and fall in surprise. He picked up the pillow and threw it back at Dave who caught it and put it down.

"Hi Dave," John said.

"Hey John," Dave said.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure. After all, I just hit you in the face with a pillow." John walked in and sat on Dave's bed.

"Dave," John began. "I know that you were acting weird earlier. Why else would Karkat have said that? What happened?"

"Look John, you wouldn't get it. There are things that happen and those things can have some pretty fucked up effects. So just leave me alone about it." John looked Dave right in the eyes, a difficult feat considering Dave's chronic wearing of shades. Dave quickly grew uncomfortable.

"Dave, do you remember that one time a couple years ago when you were drunk and you told me that little bit of sensitive information that you told me not to notify Karkat of?"

"Oh." Dave was shocked. He hadn't thought John had retained that piece of information. Dave sighed and closed his eyes. John went over to Dave and hugged him.

"Dave, do you like Karkat?" Dave slowly nodded, feeling the beginning of tears as John continued hugging him. The real tears began as Dave hugged John back.

"Don't tell him. Please don't tell him John," Dave was almost begging. "John I'm begging you, please don't tell Karkat."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

John and Dave were hugging and Dave was crying. John was still reeling from this revelation from Dave. It was completely unexpected. As Dave slowly stopped crying, John began breaking the hug. John stood up and left the room.

"Dave," John said. "I swear I won't tell him." John walked to his room and stepped in. He saw Karkat sitting on his bed. "Karkat, what are you doing in here?"

"I'm worried about you," Karkat told him. "It's only Wednesday. You're going to the Psych Ward on Friday. Would you agree if I arranged to have you go sooner."

"You'd have to ask Dave," John told Karkat. "He set up the day for me to go in the first place."

"But if I decided that I wanted you to go tomorrow, would you be okay with that?" Karkat asked.

"I don't see why not. I'm getting help either way," John said, a bit annoyed. Karkat stood up and left John's room leaving John to begin packing. John opened his closet and took out his suitcase. He put it on his bed and opened it. Inside was the Warhammer of Zillyhoo. John hadn't seen it in ages. The last time he had seen it was during Sburb. He removed the Warhammer from his suitcase and put on an empty space on one of the shelves in his room. He went back to his closet and took out his God-Tier pajamas. John looked at them fondly before putting them in his suitcase. He retrieved his God-Tier hoodie and t-shirt and put them in his suitcase. He searched through his closet for some jeans and his ghost shirt. While he was looking through his closet, John stumbled upon his dad's old PDA. He looked at the screen and saw the extensive amount of Pesterchum messages. He realized that it had somehow kept receiving the messages although it should have run out of battery power. John put the PDA with the Warhammer of Zillyhoo and resumed packing. He got his laptop and it's charger and packed them. After half an hour of looking for things throughout his closet and room, he had finished packing. He looked at his clock. It read twelve thirty in the afternoon. John went downstairs and looked in the freezer for a frozen pizza. When he found one, he preheated the oven to the correct temperature and put the pizza in for seven minutes. He went to the cabinet, opened it and took out three plates. He put them on the table along with cups. The timer on the oven went off and John hurried to remove the pizza before it burned. John retrieved the pizza from the oven, cut it up, and put it on the table.

"Lunch is ready!" John yelled. He heard a scratching sound which was probably Karkat. He soon saw Dave and Karkat come down the stairs and sit at the table. John sat down with them and took a couple slices of pizza. Dave and Karkat took some as well.

"Dave," Karkat said. "Can you call the psych ward and ask if we can bring John in tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure," Dave said. He had been worried for a second that John had told Karkat of his feelings. Dave sighed and went to the phone. He dialed the number of the psych ward. The receptionist quickly picked up and asked what service he required. Dave gave his name and said he wanted to bring in a John Egbert a day early. The receptionist told Dave that they could manage it and hung up. "They said we can bring him in tomorrow." Dave sat back down and the rest of the meal was eaten in silence. When he finished, Karkat put his plate in the sink and went to his room. John did the same but began watching Con Air on the tv. Dave went upstairs and laid down. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

- Karkat's Perspective -

He was tired. He was unbelievably tired. He tried to fall asleep. He didn't. He couldn't. Dave was acting weird. But he was always weird. This was a different weird. Karkat was determined to find out what was going on. He was thinking about what could make Dave act like that. He ran through all of the possibilities in his head. He reached one and stopped. What if Dave had flushed feelings for Karkat. Karkat eyes snapped open and he bolted upright. Karkat quickly retrieved his laptop and logged into Trollian.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 20:34 -

CG: TEREZI

CG: DAMMIT

CG: TEREZI

GC: C4LM DOWN K4RK4T

GC: WH4TS SO 1MPORT4NT

CG: DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT DAVE'S ACCIDENT

CG: AND YOU SAID THAT MAYBE HIS ACCIDENT BOTHERED ME MORE THAN IT NORMALLY WOULD HAVE

GC: Y3S

GC: WHY

CG: TEREZI WHAT I'M TELLING YOU MUST NOT BE REPEATED

GC: OK

CG: I THINK I HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR DAVE

GC: …

GC: …

GC …

GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3

CG: YES

CG: WHY WOULDN'T I BE

GC: K4RK4T

GC: 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 B31NG R34SON4BL3

CG: TEREZI TRUST ME

CG I NEED TO GO

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 20:47 -

Karkat closed his laptop and leaned back. He closed his eyes, smiled and sighed. He was confused, but happy. Karkat put his laptop to the side, opened his eyes and stood up. He left his room and went downstairs. Con Air was paused on the tv, prompting Karkat to wonder where John was.

- John's Perspective -

After everyone had gone their separate ways, John decided to re-watch Con Air, again. After a while, John grew tired of Con Air and went to his room. He laid down on his bed and fell asleep. After a few minutes of peaceful slumber, John began to receive torture. He saw his Dad, mutilated and broken, facing away from him and hanging in midair. His Dad turned his head around on his neck to look at John. Dad's eyes were bleeding and half gouged out. John collapsed and broke into tears. Dad dropped from the air like a ragdoll. He dragged himself along the ground towards John. John stood up and began walking backwards away from the creeping horror that lay before him. As Dad continued moving towards John at a constant rate, John encountered an invisible wall preventing any more movement. Dad suddenly accelerates. John crouches in preparation. He feels Dad land on him.

"It's your fault John," Dad said. "It's your fault I'm broken and dead! Now it's my turn to hurt you." After saying this, Dad rips into John's stomach. He slowly rips out John's kidneys and shows them to him.

"Now you can know my pain," Dad hissed as he pulled out John's lungs. "Look at these healthy organs John." Dad then reached far under John's rib cage and pulled out his beating heart. John, having been screaming this entire time, proceeded to cry out with a force of pure pain, horror, and disgust.

"Look at you heart John," Dad whispered. "Look how it beats, still trying to pump blood through your _useless _veins. Say goodbye." Dad ripped John's heart in half causing John to scream in immense pain and pass out. "I'm not done yet." Dad ripped John's heart off of it's arteries, causing John to wake from his sleep. John bolted upright, screamed, and began crying. Dave and Karkat, having both heard the scream, came running into John's room. Seeing John crying, Dave sat down on the bed and began comforting John.'

"It's ok John," Dave said. "What happened?"

"I-I had a nightmare in which my Dad was broken and twisted," John said. "He came at me and began taking out my _organs_. He ripped my heart in fucking half!" Dave was shocked. How could someone's own mind create such a twisted image of someone so caring. He shuddered.

"It'll be okay," Dave whispered. "Your Dad would never do that to you." Dave hugged John. Karkat joined the hug.

"Don't worry John," Karkat said. "We're here. You're safe."

"I want to be alone," John told them. "Please."

"Ok," Dave said. "We'll go, just call us if you need anything." Dave and Karkat left the room and went downstairs.

"I'm worried about him," Karkat admitted. "What the fuck are those people at the psych ward going to do about these nightmares of John's?"

"I don't know," Dave said. "But I'm glad you asked if he could go tomorrow. He really needs their help." Dave sighed. "Let's watch a movie, your pick."

"Alright, we need something to take our minds off of this. Let's watch Ghostbusters, it's one of John's favorites."

"I know." Dave put the DVD in the DVD player and pressed play. "You know Karkat, I don't think we've ever watched a movie together." Dave turned off the lights and sat down on the couch, Karkat sat down as well.

"It's high time we do, don't you think," Karkat asked

"Yeah," Dave answered. "Now be quiet, the movie's starting."

- Forty Five Minutes Later -

Dave and Karkat had slowly been inching closer to each other. Neither of them noticed. Towards the end of the movie, Dave and Karkat were nearly pressed up against each other. Dave looked at Karkat as Karkat was looking at him. As the credits started rolling, Dave and Karkat were moving their faces closer together. They kissed as the credits seemingly endlessly continued scrolling. Dave, realizing that his affection for Karkat had been made evident, jerked back. Karkat, having the same reaction, jerked back as well. Dave quickly stood up and turned on the lights. Both Dave and Karkat were blushing furiously.

"Karkat," Dave began. "What the fuck just happened?"

"Um…" Karkat said. "We erm… kissed."

"Why?"

"I have flushed feelings for you Dave," Karkat admitted. Dave began blushing even more furiously.

"Karkat...I'm sorry. I need to go. I'll text you or something later." Dave grabbed his jacket and his car keys and left. He was going to the abr for the first time in a while. Karkat was confused. How could he let his inner desires get the best of him. He went to his room and opened his laptop.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 22:34 -

CG: TEREZI

CG: TEREZI ANSWER ME QUICKLY

CG: GODDAMMIT TEREZI

GC: WOW K4RK4T

GC: CH1LL

GC: WH4T H4S YOU SO WORK3D UP OHT3R TH4N TH3 USU4L STUFF

CG: I KISSED DAVE

GC: …

GC: …

GC: …

GC: K4RK4T WH4T TH3 FUCK

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: WE WERE WATCHING GHOSTBUSTERS AND IT HAPPENED

GC: K4RK4T 1 N33D TO GO

GC: BY3

- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 22:40 -

Karkat closed his laptop. He hit his head against it a couple times. How could he be so stupid. Karkat began thinking. What if Dave also had flushed feelings for him. Karkat smiled at the sweet thought.

- Dave's Perspective -

How could he be so stupid. Why did let himself kiss Karkat. Dave needed a drink. He arrived at the bar and went in. He ordered a beer. He sat there, slowly drinking. Soon enough, Rose came in.

"Hello Dave," Rose greeted. "How are you?"

"Hi Rose," Dave responded. "I kissed Karkat."

"You did what," Rose said. "You kissed _Karkat_?"

"Yeah," Dave said. "We were watching Ghostbusters and we were getting progressively closer and I leaned in and I kissed him. Rose what should I do?"

"Well obviously you have romantic feelings towards him."

"I know but what should I do? Should I go back home and tell him?"

"The best course of action would be to do just that. Go to him Dave. He's probably just as confused as you are."

"Alright," Dave said. "I'll see you later, bye."

"Bye Dave," Rose said. Dave went back to his car and drove home. Upon arriving, He went inside and knocked on Karkat's door.

"Karkat," Dave said softly. "Can I come in?"

"Sure Dave," Karkat said. "What do you want?"

"What's that word you use? That something-sprit."

"Matesprit?"

"Yeah, that. Karkat, I wanna be your matesprit."


End file.
